100 signs of an apocalypse
by TheVeryCheesyAuthor
Summary: Nobody in the Leaf Village knows about the little booklet that Naruto keeps in his left breast pocket. It's always been there, and he keeps it close by his heart, hoping that everything he's written in there will never happen.
1. Chapter 1

**just some ideas i picked up along the way for fun**

 **this is story is about the signs of an apocalypse(or the final destruction of the world) in naruto.**

 **i hope you all will find this as humorous as i have while typing this up.**

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Nobody in the Leaf Village knows about the little booklet that Naruto keeps in his left breast pocket. It's always been there, and he keeps it close by his heart, hoping that everything he's written in there will never happen.

Except, one day, when he wakes up naked under a waterfall with a bad feeling in his gut– it does. He's got the lists in his booklet memorized, and prays to god that these signs don't show up.

 _The Signs of an Apocalypse._

Naruto gets back in the Village, naked, and he already knows the first sign has occurred.

 **1) i am not wearing the orange jumpsuit (omg).**

The two ninjas, Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane, who guard the entrance to the Village jumped to their feet from their false nap. They stammered and saluted to the Hokage before turning beet red.

It was quite hilarious at first to Naruto had they had changed from being a pair of smiling adults to a pair of tomato faced adults. Izumo had stammered, pointing at Naruto's lower regions and Kotetsu had screamed.

" HOKAGE-SAMA!"

There, standing in all of his glory, was Naruto and Naruto Jr. who was not covered properly by the scantily placed leaf.

A thud and bloody noses later, there's a voice screaming, " MEDIC SAKURA THE HOKAGE IS AT THE GATES, WE ACQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE!"

Kotetsu was gripping his uncontrollably bleeding nose and cradled it with one hand, trying to stop the leak. Sakura came with a flash of pink hair and had just sighed, moping up the blood.

Multiple explanations and much eye rolling later, Sakura is dragging a blushing Naruto through the gates of Konoha. Needless to say, the streets were filled with blood from the noses of men and women alike.

Naruto is relieved that these signs have just been false alarms, until Sasuke comes swaggering down the street with his hands in his pockets.

 **2) sasuke doesn't have his chicken butt hairstyle because he finally accepts his emo self.**

Naruto's eyes shoot up all the way to his eyebrows and his jaws drop to the ground. Where the hell did Sasuke's signature hairstyle go? Where were those tufts of cute hair that shot upwards?

Instead of the iconic hairstyle Sasuke once had, he now sported chin length side swept hair. Only a singular eye now showed through his hair.

" Sasuke-teme, I knew you were emo!"

In a bored tone, Sasuke picked at his black nails and scoffed. Shifting the black clothes he wore, he nodded and cleared his throat.

" I am."

" Oh. Well teme, it took you more than five years to realize that and I'm... Shook."

" Welcome back, Dobe."

" Thanks, Sasuke-teme."

He turned around to Sakura, who had one twitching eyebrow that made her seemed annoyed.

 **3) sakura-chan(my love!) stops chasing sasuke-teme.**

" Hello, Sakura."

Sakura also seemed astounded at the change of his hairstyle, " Oh.. Sasuke, I didn't realize it was you."

" I'm emo by the way."

Sasuke stuck his hands in his pockets and pretended to brood.

" I know."

She rolled her eyes and Naruto gasped. Where did Sakura's heart eyes go? Where were the puppy eyes that she would make at him? WHERE. HAS. HER. INFATUATION. WITH. SASUKE. GONE?

Naruto was low-key freaking out now, he had to stop this, and he needed to as soon as possible before something happened. Speaking of which, in the corner of his eyes, he saw Gai.

He was strolling down the streets in his iconic green jumpsuit with... a woman?!

Red warning signs immediately went off in his head.

 **4) mission impossible: gai-sensei gets a date.**

Gai had his arms looped around another woman's arms protectively, as if someone were to take her away from him (she did look very delectable, Naruto noted). The woman had slightly wavy black hair that went down to the middle of her back, and cobalt blue eyes.

Her outfit was too... civilian-like for Naruto's tastes.

" Ah, Naruto, you're back! You seem to be shining with more youth than ever!"

Whether it was the the embarrassed blush that was still on his face, or the anxiety sweat that had collected on his brow bone, Naruto was grateful for the distraction.

" Who's the lady next to you?"

Naruto knew he was a little blunt and rude, but the warning bells in his head started blaring louder than ever.

" Oh, this is, like, my girlfriend," Gai blushed.

" Fuzzy eyebrows has a girlfriend?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto felt the pinch on his ear loosen and saw a flash of pink hair. Sakura had fainted.

" How come everyone's reaction had been the same? I told Neji, like, today and, like, he fell over. I thought he was, like, dead, like OMG! After I told TenTen, her jaw was stuck on the ground for, like, a few hours!" Gai exclaimed.

" I wonder why..." Sasuke muttered.

" Have you told Lee yet?" Naruto asked.

 **5) fuzzy eyebrows and fuzzier eyebrows don't break down crying and hugging in the sunset when they see each other.**

" Speaking of Lee, there he is!" Gai's girlfriend said, pointing at the figure running down the street in a green jumpsuit.

" Gai-Sensei!" A boy with a bowl cut yelled.

" Lee! Guess what?"

" What!"

" I, like, got a girlfriend!"

Lee smiled widely and clapped his hands with joy, " That's wonderful, Gai-sensei!"

Everyone was ready to place their heads in their hands and moan. However, Gai and Lee didn't run towards each other in joy and start hugging. Instead, they fist bumped and everyone is left shell shocked.

" Ahem..." Naruto interrupted the quite touching scene, " I don't know if anyone would understand me if I said this but... Where's the sunset and the part where Lee and Gai start hugging and crying in the middle of nowhere?"a

" Yeah, that's what I was thinking too." Sasuke said.

Lee turned around and placed his hands on his hips, ready to speak, " Well..."

" GURL!" Gai yelled, " That's like, so old, like no one ever does that anymore! It's like, so not youthful, so like yeah."

Needless to say, Sasuke fainted.

Naruto was left dazed in the middle of the street with a fainted Sakura.

" HEY! SINCE WHEN DID GAI-SENSEI START BECOMING SO COOL!"'

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 **should i continue? r &r and give me more ideas :)**


	2. Chapter 2

A bright flash shines before Naruto.

" Nar..."

" Ruto..."

" Naruto..."

" NARUTO WAKE THE HELL UP!"

Naruto groggily blinked his eyes and rubbed them harshly. The lights were really blinding. A slap hit his cheek harshly and left a pulsing red fingerprint but the blond barely twitched. His entire body throbbed more than her measly slap.

It was Tsunade in all of her glory, and she was drinking... again.

" Baa-chan, you're annoying. I wanna sleep."

" Listen here you twerp," Tsunade started saying, " I don't have time for this, and we really need your help. There are wounded people in the field and Sound just invaded us again!"

Naruto moaned and dragged his body off the bed.

 **6) tsunade doesn't drink alcohol anymore.**

" Baa-chan, what are you drinking?"

Naruto suspiciously stared at her little paper cup. Something was off again and it chilled him to his bones. Could it be? Was the apocalypse actually happening or was it all a dream?

A sudden ball of dread formed at the pit of his stomach.

Was Tsunade drinking water?

No way.

" Why, Naruto, it's water!" Tsunade laughed, her giant breasts jiggling with each breath she took.

His face was shell shocked. Something warm and liquid trickled down his pant leg and a salty smell permeated the air. His face heated up to at least a hundred degrees when he stared at the ground with humiliation.

" Did you just pee yourself?"

" Shut up!"

 **7) yooo all the ninjas know all the top secret jutsus (lol this will never happen because i'm like the only person out of a few others who know the kage bushin no jutsu i'm cool af)**

The little notebook in his left breast pocket shifted to remind him of the ominous troubles he was about to face. A sweat drop rolled down his forehead and onto his hands.

All around them were ninjas fighting and dispelling jutsus, from illusions to tricks.

" I'll beat you this time!" A sound ninja yelled, reaching for his ninja star.

" Try me," One of the leaf ninjas taunted back.

" Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" They both yelled at the same time.

Suddenly, a dust cloud appeared and a hundred identical appeared with both sides. Naruto's jaw dropped. Wasn't the Shadow Clone Technique supposed to be this top secret jutsu? Wasn't he the only one out of a couple other people who knew it that was still alive?

What happened to top secret jutsus?

" Ice Release: Icicle Combo!"

So why did they know all of these combos and jutsus?

Thousands of senbon like ice needles flew at the other person at top speed.

" Kohona Joseki Formation!"

Naruto's jaw dropped again, " What the fuck?"

 **8) i somehow embarrass sensei**

" Baa-chan, why isn't Kakashi anywhere? I can't see him."

The blond woman squinted and stared at him in shock. The men and women alike were still fighting, throwing sharp objects at each other and shouting taunts. However, the famed silver haired man was nowhere to be found.

" True... Well, that's strange. Go look for him," Tsunade commanded.

Trusting his instincts, he stopped right in front of a bush. At first, it seemed like a normal bush, with lush green leaves and well, green leaves. There wasn't a lot of things special about a bush.

But as he looked closely, there was a figure in the middle of it with distinct silver hair.

And he was... Moaning?

" OH GOD, KAKASHI-SENSEI COULD YOU NOT JERK OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE?"

Seconds later, Naruto realized his mistake as everyone stopped what they were doing. Minutes later, Naruto was still blushing. Hours later, this became Naruto's biggest regret. Days later, Kakashi would torment Naruto until he cried. Years later, it would still be the talk of any party that Kakashi and Naruto went together.

" Oh shit," Naruto whispered, " What did I do?"


End file.
